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Have we all stopped crying yet?

Full disclosure: I haven’t. Episode 302, “Surrender,” was just so sad in every possible way. It’s a good thing they threw us that shot of Jamie’s heinie in the beginning to sort of ease us into things, am I right?

Despite the fact that this week’s episode of Outlander made me go through almost an entire box of Kleenex, I haven’t been able to stop watching it. So let’s jump right in and discuss the smorgasbord of feelings and tears and hair, shall we?

Episode MVP: Fergus

Can someone throw this kid a parade already? In an episode packed with all kinds of courage, Fergus is champion nombre un.  (That’s as far as my high school French will take me.) He shoots the raven (maybe not the best idea, but you don’t just ignore superstition), stands up to the redcoats, and gives Jamie some hard truths.

Oh, and there’s also that thing where he LOSES HIS HAND to protect Milord. And if that’s not enough, he’s a total Pollyanna about it. But let’s get real: The main reason he’s the uncontested MVP this week is because he reminds Jamie that he has something to live for. And when he tells Jamie that he has always trusted him…

I’m sorry. I have to open a new box of Kleenex.

The Real Star of the Show: Jamie’s Tear

Even Jamie knows how sad this week’s episode is. That lone tear that slides down his cheek when he kisses Mary MacNab…forget it. I cannae even get into it. It’s like an angel tear, and I’m bloody envious of Mary for getting to wipe it away.

Best Special Guest Star: The Dunbonnet’s Hair

I mean, I guess when you live in a cave for six years and you’ve basically given up on life, this is the look you get.

And call me crazy, but…is Jamie kind of working it? I can’t be the only one who’s sort of into it.

 

Most Awful: This Guy

I don’t even remember his name, but it’s something Scottish and that’s all I need to know. HOW DARE YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR OWN PEOPLE, SIR? Also, how DARE you cut off Fergus’s darling little pickpocket hand? You’ll get yours, ye swine.

Luckiest Human: Mary MacNab

I dinna care if he cried through the whole thing and if it was the saddest seduction scene ever. Mary got herself some JAMMF! You go girl.

Best Bro: Ian

If you can’t have a Murtaugh, you should always have an Ian. Not only is he an impeccable liar and defender of his home with his, “Dunbonnet WHO?” act, but he’s also a bit of a therapist, isn’t he? When he compares Jamie losing Claire—his heart—to his own missing leg and Fergus’s missing hand? DANG, Ian. You get it. What’s your hourly rate?

Hottest Jamie: “I’m Home” Jamie

Yes, the Dunbonnet look was working for me, but THIS is the JAMMF we all know and love. And while I hate the fact that the English banned kilts and tartans, I’m loving James in these pants.

Best Fashion Accessory: HATS

Obviously in an episode about the Dunbonnet, hats are going to be huge. But did anyone else notice that the Dunbonnet look trickled down to the whole family? There’s Claire:

AND Brianna:

Daddy Dunbonnet would be proud.

Best Brazen Claire Moment: Med School Claire

The first day of school is hard enough. But going into the first day of school when your teacher is clearly a turd and the rest of your classmates look like they’ve never seen a woman before? That’s gotta hurt. But it won’t get Claire down. And besides, she made a friend! JOE ABERNATHY HAS ARRIVED, Y’ALL!

Most Smug: Frank

I don’t want to dislike Frank. I really don’t. I mean, it must be hard to know that your wife is constantly fantasizing about that perfect human specimen we call JAMMF. But come on, Frank. You don’t have to hate on the neighbors and insult their intelligence when you’ve just had them over for dinner. Sure, they seem annoying, what with their PDA at your table, but they’re better than those stuffed shirts you hang out with at Harvard.

Most Oscar-worthy: The Fraser Siblings

Do these two know how to put on a show or what? Their act for the redcoats would totally win an Oscar if Oscars and movies were things back in 1752.

Special Shoutout: Purses

Claire’s got not one but two fancy purses. I love me a fancy purse.

So, what did you think, Sassenachs? Did you love it to the last drop? Do you want Claire’s gorgeous coat? Do you want to call Mary MacNab and ask for deets? ARE YOU READY FOR “ALL DEBTS PAID” AND THE WONDER THAT IS LORD JOHN GREY? I know I’m excited!

Miss any of our previous Outlander Superlatives? They’re all right here.