HOLY SMOKES. Outlander is on FIRE. Literally.
I just knew Jamie’s smolder would ignite something one of these days.
Episode 307, “Crème de Menthe,” had me on the edge of my seat with all of its turmoil, bromances, and villainous excise men. Also, I’d almost forgotten what kind of zany 18th century hijinks Claire can get herself into, so that was a welcome return.
We have a lot to discuss and fortunately, I don’t have to run off to the apothecary or hide any smuggled brandy, so let’s jump right in with this week’s Outlander Superlatives!
Episode MVP: Ferian
Move over, Jamurtaugh. Step aside Rupgus. There’s a new bromance in town!
I’m officially obsessed with all things Fergus and Wee Ian, or, as I’ve now dubbed them, Ferian. They seem to have perfected the recipe for the ideal bromance, and here it is:
Take one young Frenchman who was born in a brothel and thinks he knows everything.
Add one wee Scotsman who knows nothing about making his move on a lass.
Throw in a dash of sordid tales and a pinch of shock.
And bake at 350 until you get the desired results.
These two. I can’t wait to see what they cook up next!
Real Star of the Show: A. Malcom’s Dark Side
I love what a good man Jamie is. I love that when he says, “You have my word,” you know you always have his word. But you know what else I love? Maybe more than anything else in the world? A bad boy with a heart of gold. Alexander Malcom is such a bad boy with a heart of gold!
He’s a smuggler:
He hangs out in dark corners and is somehow BFF with a prostitute, basically playing Rhett Butler to Madame Jeanne’s Belle Watling:
He lies to his brother-in-law:
He thinks it’s no big deal that he’s living in a brothel:
But at the end of the day, he’s still our JAMMF who gets that worried look on his face when Claire says she’s going across town because WHAT IF SHE FALLS THROUGH TIME AGAIN? He cannae go through that! (Don’t put him through that, Claire.)
Oh, and he’s also sort of a bigamist now. But not on purpose, guys!
Best Special Guest Star: Ian Sr.’s Near Heart Attack
Claire and Jamie may not have aged at all, but let’s be honest. Ian Sr. has seen better days.
He’s already worried about his missing son, he’s got about 37 kids at Lallybroch now (give or take), and you know Jenny never stops talking about that time her brother lived in a cave. So yeah, the old ticker probably has seen its share of strain. And then those jokers Jamie and Claire come along and make him think he’s seen a ghost.
You’d better hurry home to Lallybroch, Ian. You do NOT want to be around these two come April Fools’.
Best Brazen Claire Moment: Surgical Claire
Hey, Claire, remember when everyone thought you were a witch and there was that whole TRIAL WHERE YOU ALMOST BURNED? I know it’s been twenty years, but drilling holes in people’s heads probably isn’t the best way to remain discreet. Poor Mr. Willoughby seems like a fan of yours, Honorable Wife, but even he’s like:
Keep it cool, Claire. That’s all I’m saying.
Runner-up Brazen Claire Moment: Apothecary Claire
You’ve got to give it to Claire. She gets things done. She’s only been in this century for 24 hours and already she’s busting into the apothecary shop like, “EXCUSE ME, I need to cut in line. I’m Dr. Claire, Medicine Woman!”
And thanks to her master negotiating skills, she succeeds! All she has to do is visit this seemingly harmless man and his sister. No big deal, right?
That’s right, Claire. Roger and Bree are dining on lobster rolls, Joe Abernathy is redesigning your office, and you’re dealing with the crazy folk. Welcome to the 1700s! (But you get JAMMF. So, you know, even Stevens.)
Hottest JAMMF: SuperJAMMF
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…SuperJAMMF!!!
I guess I’ve always known JAMMF is Superman. He has enough aliases, he sort of wears a cape, and he’s made of steel. But running into that burning building to save Wee Ian confirms it.
In a surprising turn of events, I guess this makes Ian Lois Lane?
Lowest Blow: “You have no idea what it’s like to be a worried parent.”
Yes, Claire, I get that you’re annoyed with JAMMF. He’s lying, he’s smuggling, his bangs have this weird curly thing going on–but telling him that he has no idea what it’s like to be a worried parent is a LOW BLOW. He hasn’t been able to raise ANY OF HIS CHILDREN! Bree’s off in the 1960s wearing amazing purple watches, Wee Willie Winkie is in England being a fancy little lord–and JAMMF is here with Madame Jeanne and some pamphlets. And I would argue that all he’s done for twenty years is be a worried parent, because he didn’t know what became of Bree and also he had to leave Willie and also he has Fergus and his one hand to think of. So cool it, Claire. COOL IT.
So, Fraser fans, what say you? Do you think Fergus and Ian should get matching tattoos? Are you sad that Roger will never be able to visit A. Malcom’s print and bookshop? (You know he loves a good bookshop.) Do you think Claire will be TOTALLY COOL with Jamie having another wife? Let me know–and don’t forget to come back next week to discuss “First Wife.”